Top Ten Tuesday - Star Wars Conspiracy Theories!

What do nerds love about series? Guessing the ending!!!
So now that we have more Star Wars those of us who were too young to guess the original trilogy's ending can have a go at it (because really what fun was there in guessing how the prequels would end?). So here, in no particular order are my ten crazy Star Wars theories, running the gambit from 'Kindergarten knock-knock joke crazy' to 'completely insane'. Also, I submit several theories for the same thing, so I'm obviously not too attached to anything. Of course spoilers may do follow... and evidence that I don't know an incredible amount about Star Wars...

10. Poe Dameron is Wedge Antilles Son

Why? No particular reason other than I like things to tie together. I know that galaxies are huge and all, but legacy stories are just so much fun. I feel like it has already been established in-universe that being a good pilot is totally an inherited trait, so that fits. Why doesn't he have the same last name? I dunno, even on Earth not every culture has children getting their parents' last name, so why mightn't it be the same in a galaxy far, far away?

9. Snoke is Space Voldemort

So, I'm pretty sure that somewhere in the old books there was a plot line with the Emperor splitting his soul into pieces to be used in the eventual event of his death. I submit that Snoke is simply Emperor part 2. 

At the very least they've got to be cousins or something.

8. Snoke is Space Oz

Okay, there is no way Snoke is actually 30 feet tall. That would be ridiculous. If his image is an illusion, I submit that it is a perfect disguise changing even his voice. Who is Snoke? None other than...

Dun. Dun. Duuuunnnnnnn!

Oh yes. I would like nothing more than for this dude to have been dark all along. It would make him tolerable because you know that good will eventually win. Here is a tin-foil theory to back me up.

From here on out all theories relate to WHO ARE REY'S PARENTS??? The thing I like about all of my theories is the Luke, Han, and Leia are not awful parents in any of them.

You are such an enigma.

7. The Professor and Mary Ann

I don't really believe the characters from Gilligan's Island had a child (even though they did go to space and may have ended up in the correct galaxy). What I'm illustrating here is that possibly we simply have never seen nor heard of Rey's parents. This is unlikely given that Star Wars has a history of tying things things together. But this theory is my nod to, "And the rest."

Shame on you for thinking I made that up.

6. Granddaughter to Obi-Wan

On a long spindly twig I predict that maybe Obi-Wan was not entirely unattached. This theory submits that he and Padme had a tryst. While I'm not too sure about that, I do think they could plausibly say that he was with Padme's bodyguard.

5. She is Wedge Antilles Daughter

But not Poe's sister. I can only take one or the other as Wedge's kid. This is my pet theory as I always had a soft spot for Captain Antilles... mostly because of his name. He is the background character who weirdly refuses to remain in the background. In the very begining of A New Hope C3PO names Captain Antilles as his and R2D2's current owner. Then he and Luke are the only surviving members from their squadron that attack the Death Star. He pops up for the Battle of Hoth and fires one of the shots that take down Death Star 2. He is a top-notch pilot and we've already established that that is apparently genetic. 

Plus she has his chin.

4. She Is Cindel Towani's Daughter
Darn it. I really thought of all my crazy theories THIS would surely be the unique one. But, lo and behold, someone beat me to it. Really I have no basis for this one besides the fact that I was hoping to be original.

I admit, it's unlikely.

3. She Is Beru's Grand Niece
Did Aunt Beru have any siblings with children? Am I really grasping at straws with this one? What if all the intense staring at the end of the movie was Luke thinking, "I've seen you before.... Dang! You look just like cousin Tika." If I was a gambling person this is where my money would go. (Also it is my unique theory, I believe.)

2. Rey Is the Droid You're Looking For...
If we are nicely paralleling the original series there ought to be two droids wandering the desert to open our film. Perhaps she was an experiment gone horribly right to create convincing AI? So convincing that the Force was like, "Dude. Props." and made this droid into a real girl a la Pinocchio? Thereby explaining her knowledge of piloting even though she arrived on planet age 5 and has been a scavenger ever since - piloting is in her program.

1. The Doctor's Daughter

If you happen to be a fan of Doctor Who you probably remember the episode where, using some of the Doctor's DNA, a machine was able to configure a genetic offspring. In the Doctor's case all that was needed was a few blood cells (not generally the cells used in reproduction). What if Rey was the result of a similar process? Specifically, under this theory she could be Luke's daughter but without him knowing about it. I have a specific idea as to where the DNA came from as well...

After all, if someone retrieved that lightsaber it isn't outside the realm of possibility that Luke's hand is sitting in a beaker in some Empire laboratory. Where a scientist, under instructions from the High Command, was told to create a weapon capable of using the force. Then, after growing attached to the little girl they'd brought about, hid her in the middle of nowhere. In my mind this is the crowdpleaser. It means that Rey is technically Luke's daughter and, simultaneously, Luke isn't an awful dad for either a.) letting his daughter be abandoned in a horrible situation or b.) not looking for her after someone else abandoned her in an awful situation.